Forbidden Love and Magic
by Jhaede
Summary: A story written based upon an optional romance mod someone created to have with the Templar, Cullen. The story of my character Sabrina Amell in the Circle Mage Origin.  Continues until conscription then epilogue of events of Ostagar and beyond.
1. Preface

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**Preface**

**A/N: **_This FanFiction is based entirely upon the content __**in Dragon Age: Origins, created by Bioware**__ and a __**Mod **__created to allow cinematic scenes with the character Cullen, based upon another FanFiction. It is not recommended you read this unless you have played Dragon Age completely at least once. __**Can contain spoilers and confusion.**_

_Most of the quotes are directly copied from the game or paraphrased (it is not word perfect) some are invented. It was entirely produced during the playthrough of a Circle Mage Origin in attempt to connect more with the character._

_I do not own anything apart from the character __**Sabrina Amell **__and the creation of this story. I originally intended to do a story for the entire Origin but found it too time consuming and hard to quote the NPCs and so produced an Epilogue of how I foretell events to play out. Obviously, some of it cannot actually happen and is entirely made up. It is, after all, a Fanfiction._

_I have not described Sabrina because when I read books I get frustrated at people describing the main characters as it ruins my illusion I've already created in my mind. If you must have some description – the character herself had brown hair and eyes. Please feel free to change this in your mind._

_Please enjoy, if you can be bothered to read such a long story, it contains about 10,000 words, I give you fair warning. I apologise in advance for any spelling/grammatical/typing/html errors. We are all Humans and not all perfect. I also have a slight language disability._

_Sincerely – Jhaede_

_

* * *

_

"Magic exists to serve man and never to rule over him. So spoke the prophet Andraste…" Knight Commander Greagoir droned out the sentence as he had done a thousand times. Countless mages he had seen enter the Harrowing, some with talent that was as brilliant as it was dangerous, and some that lacked it and fell prey to the demons of the fade. This one however, possessed great power but also the temperate mind of her teacher, the First Enchanter Irving.  
Her name was Sabrina Amell, at the age of five she was brought into the tower that contained the Circle of Magi of Fereldan, she had now spent thirteen years in that circle tower.

She was caught setting fire to rats amongst her parents' crops with only her mind; originally she come from Lothering, a small village but great in its land, she had a large family there and had adored it. The life of a farmer was simple but tiring, especially for a little girl. All these pesky vermin were destroying her hard work; in the patch in their farm that she had grown her own vegetables, with the help of her father, there were horrible big rats everywhere… they should be gone! Before she knew it, the vermin had caught fire, squealing and jumping around in pain. The moment had shocked her and her brother who was watching Sabrina carefully from the house window.

Had her parents not been devout in their religion, perhaps her brother would have not betrayed her; perhaps he would have not screamed at his parents "Witch, she's a witch! I bet she's been talking to that witch of the wilds! Mama, Papa, send her away!"Whatever possibilities could have kept her at her home, undoubtedly she would have been sent to the tower at one point or another. Magic was a very hard gift - or curse as some called it - to hide. If you hid it for too long, you'd be branded an apostate and hunted down by the Templars, unmerciful in catching their prey.

The rest of the words spoken by the commander were ignored by this girl, she had heard it all before and she grew restless. Dragged out of her bed at two in the morning, she was brought to the Harrowing Chamber; the site only those who would hope to pass their apprenticeship would see. The Harrowing, legend for its possibility of death, held fear and awe to all those who knew of it, especially those who had to take it. Suddenly, Irving started to speak.  
"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity child…" she listened intently to what he had to say, any help he could offer would be more than welcome. She knew he had complete faith in her abilities and she did as well; this was not bravado, anyone with a mind knew a mage that was not confident was more dangerous than one who was.

"The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter. You are ready." Greagoir gestured towards a bowl on a pedestal, containing a luminescent blue substance. Sabrina would be sent to the Fade, the realm of dreams, to be pitted against a dreadful demon, the battle was unknown but she suspected there was more to it than a simple killing. "This is lyrium: the very essence of magic and your gateway into the Fade."

The apprentice stood still, her eyebrow arched and she took a deep breath. _This is it. _She glanced upwards, catching the familiar eye of another Templar, one that had no chosen to wear his helmet, one with golden eyes that stared into her soul. She saw fear and a stab of panic entered her stomach. _So, they have chosen him… of all people._ Unfortunately, she had little choice, and so Sabrina walked up to the lyrium and dipped her hand into it, the substance immediately attached to her and a great glare of light surrounded her, swallowing her whole...


	2. The Harrowing

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**The Harrowing**

It is said that little can be remembered from a transition into the Fade. For mages, the realm of dreams is the realm of dreams as it is to normal humans but there is a difference; they are aware. In the Fade, laws of nature do not necessarily exist. They would only exist if you _willed_ them to exist, in here a mage could unleash all of their power for there is no limit to the possibilities, as long as your willpower is strong enough you could become akin to a God. Unfortunately, such pride was what caused the Mages of the Tevinter Imperium, an ancient peoples, downfall. It was caused the Maker of the world to cast out these Mages and bring upon what were known as Darkspawn. It is this pride that destroyed the mage's chance of a normal life and caused them all to be bound in a tower, to which they would forever be subjugated to.

Upon arrival, Sabrina stood in a desolate plane. Faint ruins of some sort of building surrounded her, the same object that brought her here stood in front of her, minus the glowing lyrium, and in the corner was an odd looking statue. She took a deep breath and began her journey forwards, keeping her eye out for danger. _There_.  
A first test; could she kill a Wisp? A Wisp, is not a particularly powerful creature and was taken down by a frosty spell that Sabrina instantly casted. This technique she used along with an arcane bolt whenever she encountered the annoying little things. She was however, soon stopped by a squeaking rat beneath her feet. '_I'll just set it on fire…'_ she thought, why not? Had it not been simple enough when she was a child… but no, something was different about this creature. That much became apparent when it spoke.

"You're a talking rat," she stated bluntly "I should have expected as much." The rat suddenly transformed into a human, one that wore robes akin to an apprentice in the tower of Magi.  
"Allow me to welcome you to the Fade. You can call me, well, Mouse."  
"Not your real name, I take it?"  
"No… I don't remember anything from… before." His shoulders slumped and he looked downwards.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Me? I was once like you… it isn't right that they do this, the Templars, not to me, not to you, not to anyone."  
"You were an apprentice then, at the circle? Taking your Harrowing?"  
"I was. You see, the Templars don't give you much time… if you take too long they think you're compromised and slay you, not wanting to risk an abomination getting out."  
Sabrina gulped. She had not thought of this as a possibility. Surely… they had chosen _Him _to do the killing, he would not act just because they felt she had taken too long? But what if they did? After all, he was a Templar first and foremost.  
"Then how are you still here?" She asked, shaking away her uncertainty.  
"I'm trapped here, in the Fade. I've no body to go back to."  
"Are there others like you?"  
"Yes, there must be, but it is not an easy life here in the Fade. You wander, aimlessly, no point to life… there are some corners where the shadows go on forever. It is easier to hide and be forgotten, be insignificant."  
'_What a terrible life – if you can even call it that.' _ Sabrina thought.  
"Do you want… to die?" She asked nervously, how horrible could this place be?  
"I… I… don't know… I think you should finish your Harrowing, before it's too late."

To that, Mouse had a point. If what he said he was true, then she must continue quickly. Besides, the less time in this place, the better. Even if it was a place you could unleash your true power, she didn't want to do so in the company of demons lurking in every corner. It seemed Mouse was following her, back in his rat form. She thought he looked far more like a rat than a mouse – mice aren't _that_ big. Following the desolate path Sabrina encountered some more wisps; they were defeated just as easily, falling prey to the same spells.  
Then she came across a strange site, something with the presence of power but it wasn't a demon, or was it? It glowed an eerie white but there was a sense of serenity at the same time, something also told Sabrina that whatever this creature was, good or evil, it was to be respected.

"Another mortal thrown into the flames I see. Your mages have devised a cowardly test. Better you were pitted against each other to prove your mettle with skill, than to be sent unarmed against a demon."  
"I agree, but I didn't have a choice." Sabrina sighed. Nobody had a choice, not unless you wanted to be branded with lyrium on your forehead and made Tranquil – ripped of all emotions and anything human. No, it was better to take the chance of living than be practically dead. The spirit prattled on, he seemed somewhat fulfilled with honour about battle, and the question Sabrina asked seemed pointless as she already knew the answer but she went along with her curiosity anyway.  
"What kind of spirit are you?"  
"I am Valour, a warrior spirit. I hone my weapons in the search of a perfect expression of combat."  
"Did you create all these weapons?" She asked, staring at the floating objects around the spirit, different types of swords, staves and axes.  
"These weapons are brought into being by my will…" he began, spinning a comment on how non magical mortals must lead such hollow and empty lives. He would not understand mortals, as mortals would not understand him.  
"Would one of these weapons affect the demon?"  
"Without a doubt! Everything brought into this world is an expression of a thought. Do you truly desire one of my weapons? I will give one to you… if you agree to duel me, first. Valour shall test your mettle as it should be tested." The spirit spoke, straightening his posture with determination.

A frown spread across Sabrina's forehead, followed by a pout. She was deep in thought. It would be unwise to insult to the spirit, it seemed he would prefer to kill her himself, he was certainly capable.  
However, if she failed in this duel she would die, or goodness knows what, perhaps end up like Mouse? Maybe that was what really happened to him. Then again… if she couldn't defeat something that was based upon morals and would undoubtedly let her proceed if she won, she certainly couldn't defeat a demon.  
"I agree to your duel, Valour."  
"As you wish, mortal. Our duel begins now, fight with valour!" he screamed and pulled out his willed swords. Sabrina possessed no such weapon, nor did she have any armour to protect her. She was uncertain if willing _his _creations to be harmless would allow no pain to come to her, nor was this the time to test it. Quickly, she froze him with frost and then cast an arcane bolt. Not much else was left to do; in a frantic fury she pounded at the frozen sculpture, in an attempt to crack it, just bloodying her knuckles in the process. Unfortunately, the spell wore off – the spirit swung his sword towards her torso yet she dodged, but this put her at a bad place to hit back and his next attack snagged her ribs. She cried out in pain but cast another arcane bolt at him just as he put another deep gash into her arm.

"Enough. Your strength is sufficient to the task. The staff is yours."  
"Thank you…" she panted and held her uninjured arm over her wounds, casting a quick healing spell. She hoped no scars would be present then she remembered; in the real world she must have just twitched, if that. A sudden thought swelled up inside of her uncomfortably – what if _He_ saw her in pain? Would he be able to stand like a rigid statue? '_No, now is not the time to be concerned for His well being. Concentrate on your test.'_  
"May you find glory in all your achievements, mortal." The spirit bowed and handed her a beautifully carved stave with the necks of dragons twisting and holding a sphere of gold between their mouths. She felt the power within it and slid it on a strap on the back of her robes. Bowing to the spirit she continued on. This would not be enough.  
"Be cautious, there is another spirit here…" Mouse squeaked.  
True to his word, before Sabrina laid a fat, blood covered and spiked bear. This… was surely a demon.

"So… you are the one being hunted. And what about the small one… is he to be… a snack, for me?" The giant bear rose up from its slumber and bore its beady red eyes into the Mage.  
"I don't like this, he's not going to help us… we should go." Mouse cowered behind Sabrina in his human form. The demon sniffed.  
"No matter; the demon will get you eventually and perhaps… there will even be scraps left."  
"Are you… here to help me?" Sabrina asked hesitantly, then frowned at herself and stood up tall.  
"Help you?" The demon giggled a vicious sound out, "Nothing… can help _you_. Begone! Surely you have better things to do than bother Sloth, mortal. I tire of you already."  
"I need help defeating a demon." Sabrina stammered. The demon was not an immediate threat to her but it still possessed a presence, one which she strangely respected despite it was a demon of sloth; laziness.  
"You… have, a very nice, staff… go, use your weapons if you must. You after all "earned" it… go," the demon yawned, "be valorous."  
"He looks powerful… perhaps he could teach you to be like him." Mouse said, behind Sabrina's shoulder.  
"Teach the mortal… to be like me? Why? Most mortals are too attached to their own forms… you on the other hand, little one, might be… a better student." The bear yawned again, stretching on the ground.  
"I… don't think I'd make a very good bear. How would I hide?" he said, cowering behind Sabrina's shoulder again. She covered her face with her palm, Mouse was such a coward.  
"You could help me fight the demon." She said hopefully.  
"True… I am very powerful in this form, when I wish to be…" the demon grumbled. After much mumbling, Mouse finally agreed to be taught how to turn into the sloth demon's form, sadly the sloth demon took after its name. "That's… very nice, however teaching is so… tiresome." He yawned and tried to go back to sleep.  
"I told you he wasn't going to help us." Mouse sighed. Sabrina took a deep breath and held her head high, summoning all her courage she spat out the only thing she could.  
"Mouse wants to learn. Teach him." She demanded and stared into the demons eyes, her own filled with fear but she held her ground.  
"You wish to learn my form, little one? Very well, then… I have a… challenge, for your friend. Answer three riddles correctly and I will teach you. Fail, and I will devour you both. The decision is yours." The sloth demon looked up cheekily to Sabrina. She gulped. This was the Harrowing after all, it required Valour and now logic and bravery. She supposed the last test would be willpower and skill – that would be the fighting of the demon. She was no use to the world if she couldn't answer mere riddles. '_Bring it on.' _She thought.

"I accept your challenge, Sloth." She said bravely and focused her mind.  
"Really? This gets… more and more promising, my first riddle is this: I have seas with no water, coasts with no sand, towns without people, mountains without land. What am I?"  
"A map?" She said hopefully.  
"Hmm… yes… correct, let's… move on. The second riddle: I'm rarely touched, but often held. If you have wit… you'll use me well. What am I?"  
"My tongue?"  
"Yes, your witty… tongue. Let's try another, shall we? Often will I spin a tale, never will I charge a fee. I'll amuse you an entire eve, but, alas, you won't remember me. What am I?" the Sloth said grumpily.  
"A dream." Sabrina, now filled with confidence, beamed as the Sloth nodded his head with annoyance.  
"Very well then, I shall teach you… my form. Listen, carefully." He muttered and began instructing Mouse. Eventually Mouse had turned into a giant black bear – not quite as fearsome as the blood and spike covered demon but a bear all the same. "Close, enough…"  
"Am I a… bear? It feels… heavy." Mouse blinked.  
"Good now, be gone with you. I grow tired of your mortal prattling…" the sloth slumbered down into a deep sleep, intent on ignoring anything else Sabrina and Mouse had to say.  
"Onwards then… to the demon." She took a deep breath and with the lumbering bear next to her, began her journey.

Sabrina passed by the spirit of Valour, being interrupted by another pack of ghostly wolves – they were no match for her now though and Mouse in his new form took them down rather quickly too. She grew weary and began to walk towards the platform filled with fire and smoke more carefully, preparing her mind for the worst.  
"And there is a spirit of rage…" Mouse growled. A _spirit _of rage? Surely a _demon_ of rage would be more suitable. The demon was hardly a spirit – it did not posses any benevolent feelings, only rage. Perhaps greed as well, though she could argue all demons possessed greed, wanting to see her world through her eyes. The thought… was a terrifying one. However, this test was to prove her worth and so battle the demon, she must. Mouse's words must have been a slip of the tongue. The monstrosity before her was like liquid flame carved into an ugly form with bony arms and claws.

"And so it comes to _me _at last! Soon I shall see the land of the living with your eyes, creature. You shall be mine, body and soul." It gargled with flame and cackled with confidence. Strangely, Sabrina found it easier to stand up to this monstrosity, perhaps because the sloth demon was more frightful… because that had at least intelligence. This demon did not contain quite as much.  
"If I lose, the Templars will still cut you down." She stated tauntingly.  
"They are welcome to try! So Mouse, this is another plaything you have brought to our arrangement…" it hissed. Sabrina frowned and turned to face Mouse with confusion.  
"I'm not offering you anything; I don't have to help you anymore!"  
"Hahaha! But what about all those wonderful meals we have shared? Suddenly the Mouse has changed the rules?"  
"I'm not a mouse anymore; I don't need to bargain with you!"  
"We shall see!" growled the angered demon. Sabrina was startled as wisps appeared around her, Mouse turned back into a bear and pounded at the demon. She cast a frosty spell upon it, it was fire surely it would be far less resistant to ice? Then, she decided to be rid of the wisps – they were pesky things in the way. She kept an eye on both of their health states, healing them in times of need and not before long the demon… had perished. That was far easier than getting the means to kill it…

"You did it! You actually _did _it! When you came, I hoped that maybe you might be able to… but I never really thought any of you were worthy." Mouse beamed at Sabrina who looked at him with cold eyes. He had almost betrayed her. In fact, he had betrayed her, for he had betrayed her kin, other mages, his own kind! Just to survive, in this wretched place, who would do that? The guilt, was it on his mind? It was almost inhuman…  
"The ones you betrayed before me. What were their names?" she asked menacingly.  
"Wha… they were never really as promising as you. I don't remember their names; I don't even remember my own name. It's the Fade, and the Templars killing me, like they tried with you." Mouse said shakily. He was lying, she could tell. The Fade, the Fade, the Fade. He blamed everything on the Fade and the Templars… what was it he had said? They "tried" with her? They hadn't tried to kill her as of yet, not that she knew of. Also, the demon was dead, why was she still here? It had not been that long surely? She didn't even trust mouse now… perhaps he lied; in fact… he was very suspicious. What if… no, it couldn't be?  
"So what is it that you think you can get from me?" she asked quickly.

"You defeated a demon! You passed your test! In time, you will be a master enchanter with no equal… and perhaps there's hope in that for someone as small and forgotten as me, if you want to help. There may be a way for me to leave here, to get a foothold outside. You just need to want to… let me in." Mouse looked hungrily at Sabrina. She had been right… he was not an apprentice. He was a demon. A viciously clever one at that, far more frightening than any sloth creature… oh he knew a lot and no doubt was used over and over again, hoping that one day a mage would be strong enough to take down the Templars awaiting him and all that power for him to have…  
"I'm starting to the think the other demon wasn't my test."  
"What? What are you…? What else could hope to harm a mage of your potential…" Mouse suddenly changed his expression, "You are a smart one…" he said clearly, in a voice not his own. Suddenly it turned deep and thundering "Simple killing is a warrior's job, in the Fade there are dangers such as careless trust… Pride." Suddenly, Mouse turned into a flash of light and rose to great heights, his form changed in a twisted and menacing manner. Sabrina looked upwards her mouth hanging open in awe and fear.

"Keep your wits about you, mage. True tests… never end."


	3. Cullen

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**Cullen**

Sabrina awoke in the bottom of a bunk bed, her head pounding and her eyes sore from the light. She turned her head to the right and saw her best friend, someone like a brother to her, standing with a worried expression etched across his face.  
"Are you alright? Say something, please…" he fretted.  
"Jowan?" she mumbled and rubbed her head, getting up.  
"They carried you in this morning, I didn't even realise you'd been gone all night. I've heard of apprentices who never come back from their Harrowing. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?" Jowan prodded her with questions and she shrunk away, his words hurting his head. As much as she loved Jowan, he was really irritating sometimes.  
"We're friends but don't ask this. You know I can't tell you."  
"Huh, so much for friendship then I'll leave you alone. And now you get to move to the nice mages' quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they'll call me for _my _Harrowing." He turned away from her and crossed his arms, acting rather like a child.  
"They'll summon you to test you when you're ready." She sighed, rolling her eyes. Jowan sometimes was a bit too dim-witted, she wasn't sure if he came across Mouse that he'd believe it was actually a demon.  
"I've been here longer than you have… Sometimes I think they just don't want to test me."  
"Maybe you're just not ready yet."  
"I've been ready for a long time; I'm worried they just don't want me to take the test. You do the Harrowing, the Rite of Tranquillity… or you die. That's what happens."  
"They're not going to _kill _you, Jowan." She said shrugging slightly. She was uncertain. The only mages they didn't put through the Harrowing were ones they feared were too powerful. She listened to Jowan rant on about how terrible the Rite of Tranquillity would be, when really she was itching to go and see _Him _she needed to, or she might go insane. This whole damned tower was watching her like a hawk though, so she had to play along, she had to be careful. "I think you're reading too much into it." She said and patted him on the shoulder.  
"I shouldn't waste your time with this, I was supposed to tell you to see Irving as soon as you woke up." He said guiltily. Sabrina's stomach sunk. Did he know?  
"What for?" She croaked out and feigned a cough.  
"He didn't say. About the Harrowing maybe, but you never know with Irving. You shouldn't keep him waiting, we'll speak later." And with that Jowan stormed off somewhere, in a mood that his whining hadn't gone as planned. Sabrina didn't care she just closed her eyes and sighed. She bent over to her bed and two girls in the corner began chatting.  
"Did you hear anything? Is she alright? Is she awake?"  
"Why do you care? Are you best friends now?"  
"I'm just curious! That templar, Cullen, said it was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing he's ever seen. He says she's very talented and very brave." Sabrina's heart leapt and swelled with affection, it took all her strength to resist the smile as she tidied her bed, eavesdropping on the two girls.  
"Well he would, wouldn't he?" her heart sank again, it was hard in the tower to keep secrets, if this girl noticed something then what might have Irving noticed? She ignored the rest of their conversation and went to sit by a beauty table with a mirror. She pretended to check her reflection in the mirror; one must be presentable to the First Enchanter after all. Truthfully her mind was on Cullen… the days that had turned to this.  


* * *

She had first met the Templar three years ago when she was fifteen. That had been one of the hardest times of her life to live through. She had lived at the circle for ten years and the sheer number of it all overwhelmed her, she missed her family and her farm. She hated the tower, with a loathing passion; it was like her home but also her cage. It was simply impossible to be alone in the tower, there were Templars everywhere watching your every move, apprentices in the corners giggling and gossiping if not studying. There was nowhere, simply nowhere, to go and cry your thoughts out and be left to your own peace.

She had to make do with her bed until that night. Since devout religious belief had took her from her family, Sabrina turned her back against the Maker. She refused to ever set foot in the tower's chantry, but it was this night that she found she had to. It was quiet, there was one priest in the corner mumbling a prayer, other than that Sabrina would be alone. One person in a room in fact, was very lonely for the tower, and she revelled in this discovery. The priest seemed to ignore her; the chantry was a place to collect your thoughts after all, so Sabrina went there often after that. She dared not cry there though, even though she had learnt to do so silently in her bed at night when she could not help herself.  
One night, she came across a Templar in her usual spot. She sat in another one, pretending to pray, waiting for him to leave but he didn't. Half the time she thought she caught his eye through the helmet and he looked away quickly, she could feel his eyes bear into her back and something snapped. Furious at this intrusion of her private place she strode over to see what was so damned important that he take station here. She was ready for the usual backtalk, the rude and patronising tone. Surprisingly… it did not come.

"Are you standing here admiring the walls? Does this place really needed to be supervised? Can there not be ONE blasted place where I can be partially alone without a templar's eyes bearing into me? There is a priest here already, I'm not going to commit any foul forbidden magic in this place now am I?" her chest rose in panted fury, glaring at this Templar with all the hate she could muster, she stared, through the slotted helmet the templar wore, into eyes she could barely see. The tinned reply was stuttered and apologetic – not what she had expected.

"I… I… I'm sorry, I just… I uh, well, it's not a… a usual, uhm, place for mages to be… I thought… I uhm…" The Templar looked clumsy and took off his helmet, "Forgive me… it is rude to talk to you in this… I, am sorry I stared at you… I was just… you… uhm, n-nevermind…" he stuttered and looked at the floor.  
Sabrina was dumbstruck. His face was unusually young and handsome, his eyes golden along with his hair, the hate she had brought suddenly turned into a strange feeling she had not felt. It wasn't pity but… sympathy? This templar, had come here to avoid mages… no doubt he was frightened at having just come out of the chantry from his teachings. Still, he had stolen her spot.  
"It is I, who should be sorry. The chantry is not here for my sole use, it is for all of course… I understand, this job it must be difficult to accept at first, you must look at as all as dangerous animals and nothing more…" she sighed and turned to leave but felt a metal covered hand on her arm.  
"P-please… don't go… I, uhm… nobody… nobody understands and… I didn't mean to make you feel… watched." He looked at her with pitying eyes. She didn't need his pity. Yet, at the same time she did.  
In the months to come, the visits to the chantry were not so lonely but she found she enjoyed this.

She poured her heart out to Cullen and he to her, they told tales of how they grew up and came to the tower, both listening with understanding despite they were the most conflicted people in the world. Templars were designed to control mages and hunt them should they go apostate… not be friends with them. Cullen became the one person she trusted the most, other than Jowan. She loved Jowan like a brother but he did more whining than she did and she had bottled up everything for so long she found she couldn't tell him anything, especially when he was keener on telling his own problems than listening to any of hers. Cullen was her sanctuary; even his presence gave her comfort.

As years passed, the fondness grew, it did not go unnoticed by the priests of their talks but they seemed kind enough not to say anything. Nearing her seventeenth birthday, Sabrina had no desire to leave the tower; she became a talented mage and a happy, comforting soul. The friendship between her and Cullen eventually softened, laughter became shared. Soon, they found themselves in the worst position. They were in love.

It could not ever, ever be admitted to each other, nor could they act upon it, it was more forbidden than being with any of the priests. It wasn't even thought of, it was that strange a thing. At most, Sabrina cuddled into Cullen's armoured covered body when she cried, when the stress of it all grew too much. It was not the case she hated the tower now, but that she could not be with the man that she loved and that he was unhappy because of the same thing. It was a torment.  
One day that changed though, one day they found themselves an opportunity…

Sabrina sometimes suffered from terrible nightmares followed by a fever, the Templars worried this was the demons attempting to break through to her and so they stationed one to guard her each night in a separate room when this happened, the door locked and everyone forbidden from it. It was actually Irving's office they used for this, as he was so generous to her. One night… the templar guarding her was Cullen. The chance overwhelmed them both, at first Sabrina just lay in bed, too cold to do anything, Cullen came to comfort her but the coldness of his armour made her worse. Eventually, she was so cold he did something insane. He took off his armour and slid into the bed next to her to warm her. Yes, her body was too warm and thus the air was freezing, but she cried out for more blankets, more warmth.

The temptation proved too much for them. What happened that night neither of them would repeat to anyone else in their life. All they knew was they were glad they had the opportunity, they were glad they had both taught themselves over the years to be quiet when showing emotion and they were glad that all their yearnings and desires had come to satisfaction. Afterwards, Cullen told Sabrina they could never do this again. It was too dangerous, for both of them. Sabrina agreed and the two never spoke of it, the only difference was Cullen pulled off his gauntlets so that Sabrina could feel his skin sometimes, rather than the cool metal that surrounded him.  


* * *

  
"Sabrina, shouldn't you be seeing Irving?" One of the girls that was gossiping popped her head next to Sabrina's in the mirror and giggled, "You look fine, go!"  
"Oh, yes, of course, silly of me, I started to daydream!"  
"Ooh, I wonder who of?" the girl nudged Sabrina playfully but she just shrugged.  
"I was just thinking of my Harrowing."  
"Always the practical and sensible one… you never have any fun, do you?" the girl sighed.

No, not any fun that she would ever know of. And so, Sabrina continued out of the dormitory and into the Library, quickening her steps every now and again, searching for that someone. She came to the library and gazed around, she loved this place. A mage was practising with fire and had an accident. Children were reciting why magic was dangerous – typical. Another was practising using a shield… and doing a poor job at it. Passing the index section, she looked up to the staircase before her. The huge wooden door leading to the second floor stood atop and began her ascent. Another part of the library… he was not here. Around the halls of the Senior Mage Quarters her heard began pounding with excitement.

Would he be here? Or in the Chantry? Where, oh where could he be… if Irving really had sent for her regarding Cullen, she needed some sort of way to tell him… and the poor thing, they chose him to strike her if she became an abomination. Surely, he would need some sort of comfort. She didn't blame him. Then she saw him. Standing, without his helmet, near her new mage quarters. Her heart leapt… she was careful not to run or walk any faster and when she came to see him, her heart grew heavy. The sadness in her eyes tore at her.

"Oh, uhm, h-hello. I… uh, am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly." He said with an encouraging smile.  
"Hello, Cullen." Sabrina smiled back.  
"T-they picked me… to strike the killing blow if you became an abomination… it's not personal, I swear! I… uh, I'm just glad you're all right. You know." He stuttered and fumbled with his fingers. Nothing personal, silly man, she knew that. He had been reduced back to his stuttering self that he was during the first few months of their friendship. Others didn't know it wasn't personal though, she supposed. The façade they had to put up was sickening and hurt beyond words. She asked a question though not out of this façade but out of curiosity that tainted her.  
"Would you really have struck me down?..." she whispered.  
"I would have felt terrible about it… But… but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded." He smiled with tears welling in his eyes. He had to know, he just had to.  
"Are you busy right now?" she asked quickly.  
"Uh… uh, yes. Maybe we can talk another time."  
"I'd really like to see you in private… it's _urgent_." She nodded and went into the room.

Cullen scanned around checking for others and followed her in. The look on her face broke his heart, something serious was going to happen. Both of them felt the loss of each other coming, and despite all they had said she lunged at him with a kiss. A passionate kiss, to which he returned, desperately and painfully as if it was the last time they ever would.  
It felt as if it was. Tearing himself away, he took something from his neck and gave it to her – an amulet. She took it and watched him leave the room, her heart beating and she looked. She couldn't wear this around Irving, she'd wear it later. She stuffed it into her pocket and began her dreadful journey to his office.

She stopped near the Chantry and gazed at the place they had shared so many talks and memories together, her eyes brimming with tears. She looked upwards and took a deep breath and frowned. Now was not the time to be emotional, now was the time to be Sabrina Amell the Circle Mage. Not the little girl at heart. She continued to Irving's office and what happened next, would begin a series of events to change her life forever.


	4. Our Leash and a Grey Warden

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**Our Leash and a Grey Warden**

Awaiting her was not Irving in a fury about her affair with Cullen. In fact it was a most rare sight. The First Enchanter and Knight-Commander Greagoir were bickering – that was a usual thing, but what was strange was the man between them. He was well armoured and had a desperate look upon his face as if he was carrying the world's biggest burden all himself.

"The Circle of Magi has committed enough to the Grey Wardens. Wynne, Uldred and many other senior mages have gone to Ostagar. We've send enough of our own." Greagoir growled.  
"Your own? Since when have you considered the mages to be so close to you, Greagoir? Or are you just fearful of allowing mages out of the chantry supervision where they can actually use their maker given powers?" Irving smirked.  
"How _dare_ you suggest—"  
"Gentlemen, please. Irving, I think someone is here to see you." The man in the middle spoke as a mediator and all eyes turned towards Sabrina.  
"You sent for me?" Sabrina said confidently, with a heavy heart expecting the worst.  
"Ah well, if it isn't our new sister in the circle. Come in, child." Irving said affectionately.  
"This is…?" the strange man asked, stepping forward with wonder in his eyes.  
"Yes, this is she."  
"Well, I see that you are busy Irving, we will discuss this later."  
"Of course. Well, then… where was I? Oh, yes. This is Duncan, of the Grey Wardens." Irving said with a smile.  
"Pleased to meet you." Sabrina said with a surprise, a Grey Warden, _here _in her presence. They were of legend and immense power… that explained the sadness in Duncan's eyes. The reverence she had for them was unbelievable. Yet why was she so lucky to meet one?  
"You've heard about the war brewing to the south, I expect? Duncan is recruiting mages to join the king's army at Ostagar." Irving said as a matter-of-factly. Sabrina's eyes bulged, surely they didn't mean her? She was only eighteen and had only just passed her Harrowing!  
"That's all you wanted to tell me?" She hoped she was not going. Yes, she would like to use her powers but that meant… that meant no Cullen, that meant no Jowan who would surely fail without her, that meant fighting things worse than _demons _and really, she wouldn't like to repeat the experience.  
"Of course not, I wished to congratulate you on last night's ordeal. The harrowing is behind you. Your phylactery was sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi." He said proudly. So that was it, she was trapped forever here. No possible hope of escape… it had never occurred to her that she wanted to for almost three years now. Or rather want wasn't the right word but could… she could have.  
"I'm sorry, what is this phylactery?" asked Duncan. Irving went onto explain that when mages first come to the circle, blood is taken so that when they are older they can be tracked if they turn apostate. Turn free.  
"Thank you." Mumbled Sabrina as she was presented with her official Mage robes, staff and ring.

She was wondering whether to tell Cullen of her feelings later…. She couldn't do that to him anyway, he'd probably have to join in the hunt seeing as everyone knew they were at least friendly towards each other. Irving asked her to escort Duncan to his quarters; no doubt he had some kind of plan to make them both talk. She was not going to pass the opportunity to talk to a Grey Warden. Not in her imprisoned life. She asked about the Darkspawn and it seemed blight was coming, this frightened her to no end, she could see Cullen down the hallway and avoided his gaze for now. "Let's just go, I'd rather not think about it…" she said quietly to Duncan.  
"The blight is something we cannot afford to ignore. Although, standing around talking about something does nothing." He said sharply.

These words hit Sabrina like daggers; he had a point… not just in this Darkspawn matter but everything else. How many times and she and Cullen talked or just running away to a different country? She could probably catch her phylactery by now and destroy it, they could run, really run and nobody would accuse her of being apostate if she had a Templar with her of all things. The only problem was how to get him lyrium… he'd go insane without it. It was a sadistic world that the one thing Templars fought against… they had to use… magic. As they walked past she caught his glance but tried to ignore it as she walked on to the guest quarters.

She was not given much time to herself though, to go over the events. Good as his word, none other than Jowan appeared, she was not in the mood. For once she wanted that solitude she sought three years ago.  
"Going through another personal crisis?" she bit.  
"Very funny… I need to talk to you, do you remember what we discussed this morning?"  
"Can't this wait?" she sighed impatiently.  
"No, I'm sorry, I need you to listen. We should go somewhere else, I don't feel safe talking here."  
"You'd better not be wasting my time." She growled.  
"It won't take long I promise." He said and gestured towards the chantry… typical.

* * *

Upon arrival he stood right next to a priest, Sabrina all but covered her face with her palm. "We should be safe here." Jowan said with a smile.  
"You realize there's a priest, standing right here?" whatever Jowan had to say, she doubted the priest would ignore it if he was right in front of her.  
"Not a priest, I am merely an initiate." The girl said. Did that really matter?  
"Wait, I've seen you before…" a memory dawned; this girl was from a time Sabrina was in here with Cullen, crying. She had never really seen her face… after all, she wasn't paying too much attention.  
"A few months ago, I told you that I… met a girl. This is Lily." He said with a hopeful sigh. Sabrina was about to say how it was forbidden but bit her tongue… how ironic would that sound? She was after all, in love with a damned Templar… that wasn't much better.  
"My condolences, Lily." Sabrina said cheekily.  
"Very funny." Jowan said, hardly amused. You sometimes couldn't joke with this guy.  
"You can't have brought me here to chat about love." If he had, a world of pain was due.  
"I wish that was the only thing I brought you here for… I found out why I've not been called for my Harrowing. T-they're… they're going to make me Tranquil! They'll take everything that I am from me—my dreams, hopes, fears… my love for Lily. All gone…" Jowan cried. Sabrina was at a loss of what to say.  
"But if you can't feel, then you can't feel sad about it?" she bit her lip, knowing the answer.  
"That makes it all the worse doesn't it? Not really knowing what you've truly lost…" Lily whispered, she had such fear in her eyes, the way she looked at Jowan, Sabrina could tell in her situation Cullen would probably look much the same.  
"What are you going to do?" Sabrina whispered.  
"I need to escape; I need to destroy my phylactery!" Jowan said daringly.  
"Oh no… oh no, this, this will go badly. We can't, we just can't. Do you know how insane this is?"  
"Sabrina, _please _I know I've asked a lot of you but… I can't let this happen, what if it was you they were doing this to?"  
"I… don't ask me that! I've passed _my _Harrowing!"  
"And what if a rumour about you got spread around that _you_ were doing blood magic? That's what happened to me!"  
"Is it true?" Sabrina arched a brow. She knew Jowan was a bit stupid.  
"No, of course it isn't! Listen! I can't do this to Lily… she'll be so depressed if I'm like that, I wouldn't care about her, nor anything! Think if you had this, what would Cullen say?"  
"…W..what does Cullen care about me? Just… because he _supposedly _likes me… I mean, that's the rumour right?" she laughed half-heartedly… how did he know?  
"I'm not that stupid, Sabrina, nor is Lily. She knew what was going on, she's just a decent enough person not to tell anyone!"  
"Or because she fell in love with a mage as well." She glanced at Lily.

Maybe, maybe Cullen would help… no, she couldn't drag him into this. She had to protect him. Their dreams of running away were foolish. She would just have to help them and hopefully get away with it. Maybe even escape with them, destroy her phylactery, and go kill Darkspawn or something. She could rid the world of danger for Cullen and her family, if they were still alive. If she found them, no doubt they'd shun her but she still loved them. She knew it tore her mother apart to let her go.  
"Very well. I will help you." Sabrina gave in and listened to their plan… it was a stupid one really, all on the hope that a door wouldn't be magical.

She knew better. However, she had studied the blueprints of the tower years ago and knew of a secret room… perhaps there would be another way in. If not, Jowan was doomed. Hurrying towards her new room, she put on her Mage robes and stave, the ring she was given and Cullen's amulet, which she tucked away beneath her robes. She hoped for all their sakes this plan would work.  
Sabrina had to acquire a Rod of Fire to hopefully melt through a lock in the door; unfortunately it needed the signature of a senior mage. That was a minor problem, to say the least. She could go to Irving… but he would suspect something and she didn't want to betray Jowan. Neither did she want to betray the circle. She'd attempt it, at least. If he got too suspicious, she'd back out. However, as soon as she came to speak to Irving… he got the better of her. Her tutor knew her very well and the guilt ate at her, but she couldn't betray a friend… she was confused, so confused and torn.

"Jowan says he's going to be made tranquil." It was out before she could stop the words.  
"Oh? And how does he know this… I suppose that young initiate he dallies about with told him. You think I didn't know? Hahaha! I did not become first enchanter by keeping my eyes and ears shut." He grinned. Her heart sunk… if he knew of them he most definitely knew of her and Cullen oh Maker, she was in trouble, but if Irving hadn't said anything… she could trust him, surely? Yes. However, with this? She wasn't sure…  
"Yes, Lily told him…"  
"It is difficult to fault her reasons for telling him, the Chantry and Templars should have been more careful."  
"Why are you doing this to him?"  
"Greagoir says he has eye-witness testimony and evidence that shows Jowan was doing blood magic…" he said solemnly. Lies, Sabrina thought, complete lies. Jowan wasn't that stupid, nor that clever as a matter of fact to learn blood magic.  
"Greagoir must be making it up. He hates all mages." Sabrina snapped.  
"Let us not speak ill of my colleague… our colleague. You know little of this, and I ask you to hold your tongue." He said firmly. It hurt Sabrina about what she was to do but she sighed and said quickly:  
"You know this is wrong. I have nothing more to say."  
"Perhaps one day… you will see it from my side." He said sadly and watched her storm out the door. Sabrina would not put up with this; she would not betray a friend. Her life was in danger now, she must forget Cullen. She must forget the Circle. She must put friendship above all else, she knew Jowan wasn't lying, he couldn't be. He just couldn't be.

* * *

After a deal with the new Senior Enchanter, Sabrina got her rod of fire. She had to clean an infestation of spiders out from the supply caves, which was rather… exhilarating actually, being able to use her magical powers and not under supervision. It was all empty and lonely, just what she needed for her thoughts. She found out soon that she didn't really want her thoughts there though, she wanted to escape them. So she concentrated on the spiders and went with whatever came at her, ignoring all morals pulling at her either end. She would be loyal, nothing else. She was also certain she never wanted to see another spider again in her life—sadly this is a wish that the Maker would never grant. Quite the opposite, in fact.

She rushed towards the Chantry, later she would look back on this with anger at herself, but for now she was just concerned and wanted to get everything done as quickly as possible. Lily borrowed an apprentice's robe from Sabrina, also doing her hair a different way. In this they hoped to disguise her, how foolish they all were to think that neither Irving, who watched Sabrina with suspicion, not Cullen, who watched Sabrina with concern, would notice.  
When they got to the basement door, they checked around. It appeared nobody was there, for once. Little did they know Cullen was following them and saw them go into the basement. _'No… she can't be, up to something? She wouldn't, not Sabrina… not the girl I know.' _But should would, and she was. When asked what he was doing standing around by Irving… he had no choice.

They encountered a few problems within the basement. For one, the door to the repository _was _magical, as much as Sabrina suspected. The other looked promising though. She tried to talk them out of the foolishness but it didn't work, they were set for destruction. Along the way, soldiers came to life, they did manage to defeat them but it grew tiring for Jowan and Lily. Surprisingly, Sabrina enjoyed it; she was using her powers against evil! Perhaps going to Ostagar wouldn't be such a bad thing… of course, that was if she got out unnoticed. That was unlikely, Irving knew she was set in doing something from their talk. How she wished that she never got involved…

The room they encountered to get into the phylactery held a chest with a marvellous staff in it… she felt the power within it but knew it would be forbidden to take. If she was going though, why the hell not? Enchanting her bag so it was more like a pit, she stowed the staff inside it and carried on. They came across a Tevinter statue which spoke a prophecy, this creeped out Lily so they moved on to a dog statue. Shoving a bookcase aside they found a wall they could break through and with the use of the Rod of Fire and the dog statue, the wall blasted open and they were able to complete their mission. They went onwards to exit the basement and head outside the tower.

What happened next though… turned everything upside down.


	5. Conscription

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**Conscription**

"We did it! I can't believe it you—" Jowan was interrupted by a terribly familiar voice.  
"So what you said was true Irving…" Greagoir frowned, followed by Irving and several Templars… including Cullen. Sabrina almost lost consciousness there and then, her worst fears were realised. Lily would be imprisoned, Jowan… probably killed and Sabrina? Who knew… probably make tranquil or killed too. It was all over. The disappointed look on Irving's face killed her and Cullen… there were no words.  
"I knew this would end badly." She closed her eyes attempting not to cry.  
"An initiate conspiring with a blood mage… You were right Irving, she has betrayed the chantry. And this one, a new mage to the circle and already flouting the rules!"  
"I am… disappointed in you. You knew something of this and could have told me, but you did not…" Irving looked solemnly to the floor. Sabrina could not sink any lower, those words would be in her mind forever, she swore to make this up to the Enchanter one day… but she had kept her friendship at least. What that would cost? Everything. Isn't that what friendship is though?  
"You don't care for the mages! You just bow to the Chantry's every whim!" Jowan screamed at the First Enchanter.  
"The first enchanter does what he can to protect us." Sabrina said in a monotone, staring at her feet. Unable to catch the eye of Cullen or Irving.  
"Enough! I, Knight-Commander of the assembled Templars hereby sentence this blood mage to death. The initiate will be sent to Aonar."  
"Aonar? The… the mages prison? No… please!" Lily begged interrupted by a yell.

"No! I won't let you touch her!" Jowan suddenly grabbed a knife from his pocket and plunged it into his hand, blood streaming everywhere, Lily and Sabrina backed off in fright and shock, the blood floated in the air for a moment until casting itself in a brutal force against all in front of it knocking them over in pain. Lily gasped.  
"Blood magic… but Jowan… you said you never…"  
"I admit, I dabbled, I thought it would make me a better mage!" he said pleadingly.  
"Blood magic is evil Jowan, it corrupts people… changes them!"  
"I want to give it up, all magic, I just want to be with you, please come with me!"  
"I… I trusted you; I was willing to sacrifice everything for you. I don't know who you are blood mage… get out of my sight." she said, disgusted. Jowan fled the tower and Sabrina stood there, pale and in shock. She rushed towards Irving's side and used her healing magic to help him. Lily stood in the corner, frightened.

"I knew it… blood magic. But to overcome so many… I never thought him capable of such power…" Greagoir stood baffled, not harmed much by Jowan. Sabrina didn't think he was that powerful either… she should have let this tranquillity happen; oh she was a fool! Misplacing her trust so easily! Now, she would lose everything. She deserved nothing more than eternal suffering; there would be no redemption for this. Not just betraying the circle, disappointing her teacher but hurting Cullen, he lay to the side, she had healed him shortly after Irving, even now she didn't want to seem suspicious. She'd done enough damage than to hurt his reputation too.  
"Jowan said he wasn't a blood mage!" Sabrina said angrily and shaking, she knew no pity would come from this but she couldn't help it.  
"None of us… expected this." The First Enchanter said sadly, "Is everyone alright?"  
"Given the circumstances, yes! You should have let me act sooner, now we have a blood mage on the loose and no way to track him down!"  
"Yes. Jowan destroyed his phylactery." Sabrina said with her numb tone again.  
"Where is the girl?"  
"I… I am here, Sir." Lily wept.  
"You helped a blood mage! Look at all he's hurt!"  
"Lily didn't know Jowan was a blood mage…" Sabrina mumbled.  
"You have been a friend," Lily said thanking her, "But you needn't defend me any longer. I… I admit to being an a-accomplice to a blood mage, Knight-Commander… I will accept any punishment you see fit… even… even Aonar."  
"Get her out of my sight…" he spat, "And you! Some things are locked away for a reason!"  
"Did you take anything important from the repository?" Asked Irving.  
"Yes… this staff." Sabrina held it out, even more ashamed.  
"Shall we add thievery to your demeanour? Hm? I'll be taking that back now, if you don't mind." He said firmly. Sabrina flinched at his harsh tone, but she deserved it she suspected.  
"But your antics have made a mockery of this Circle! Ah… what are we to do with you?"  
"I had no idea he was a blood mage…" she said numbly, still in shock.  
"You think this excuses you? You helped a _blood mage_!" no matter how many times he said it, it smacked her in the face each time, suddenly Duncan strode in.

"If you will excuse me Knight-Commander, I am not only here recruiting mages but for the Grey Wardens. Irving spoke highly of this mage; I would like to conscript her." Duncan stood next to Sabrina, looking at her in… awe? Sabrina was shocked. First of all, that he would accept such a person and second of all that he wanted _her? _She supposed… if she did in fact go to the Grey Wardens she would be punished. It would give up everything, she would just atone. Atone for something that would never be forgiven. There was no room to be selfless now.  
"Duncan, this mage has aided a maleficar and shown repugnance towards the Circle." Irving attempted to reason. His words burnt Sabrina harshly.  
"It takes a great deal of courage and a rare person to risk everything for a friend in need. We Grey Wardens need people who are this loyal."  
"No! I refuse to let this go unpunished!" raged Greagoir. Sabrina sighed and agreed.  
"Greagoir is right. I should face the consequences."  
"Hm. It seems not all our lessons have gone through her head. She knows her place."  
"Don't be a fool," Duncan spoke with distress "You have assisted a maleficar. You must know what awaits you in the Circle!"  
"Death?" Sabrina spoke flatly.  
"A waste of your talent! I offer you a chance to _use _it!" Duncan sighed with impatience at Sabrina's foolishness.  
"Wait! Stop! What are you doing? Stop him; he's trying to take this mage away!" Greagoir commanded.  
"You know Duncan has the Right of Conscription… we must allow him, if he wishes it." Irving interrupted.  
"He has greater authority than you?" Sabrina looked slightly surprised though still numb.  
"If the Grey Wardens wish to conscript someone, neither lord nor king can deny them."  
"What about my punishment?" Sabrina asked, this was not a punishment really, it was an honour.  
"Greagoir, mages are needed, this mage is needed. There are more things in this world that plague it than maleficar." Duncan pleaded.  
"A blood mage escapes, and his accomplice goes unpunished and worse yet gets rewarded by becoming a Grey Warden? No!"  
"Enough." Irving stated firmly, "We have no more say in this matter."  
"So… I am to be a Grey Warden?"  
"Yes, be proud child, you are luckier than you know." Irving said, with some reverence suddenly. He had always known this one had not gone about her actions without reason, he understood really, he just could not let it slide, and fortunately she had this chance to escape the shameful fate that would have awaited her.  
"Thank you for everything, First Enchanter." Sabrina said with sincerity.  
"Come. Your new life awaits." Duncan gestured to the doors and they walked through, Cullen had been waiting there, unable to look at her through what she had done.

He saw her in that fleeting moment. All his feelings went with her, their memories, their everything. He noticed she wore his amulet though… he closed his eyes in despair. Perhaps now his job would be easier though. Or maybe even harder… he couldn't know, he couldn't think. For the rest of his life, his dreams contained her walking out of that door.


	6. Epilogue

**Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage  
Forbidden Love and Magic**

**Epilogue**

After being recruited into the Grey Wardens, Sabrina went to Ostagar where she met Alistair. She was resentful at meeting another Templar, even if he was a Grey Warden now, as it reminded her of Cullen and forever brought back the shame to her, especially as he was very keen on mentioning how apostates and maleficar were evil. She didn't particularly like him for a time. When she met Daveth and Jory, who accompanied her in the Grey Warden Joining Ritual, she did not grow close to them but was devastated at their loss; she felt it was her fault, even though she could have done nothing. She also felt terribly alone.

She didn't wear the pendant given to her, as she had Cullen's, but she kept it safely within her bag. Upon meeting Morrigan she was pleased to see another mage, her view of things also seemed to make sense, though at times they had a row due to Morrigan's insensitivity when Sabrina tried to help people; seeing it as her duty and atonement. She grew to be best friends with Morrigan, although the outcome of their friendship was a little skewed. When the tragic battle of Ostagar destroyed everyone apart from her and Alistair, Sabrina grew more firm and tough as she had been before she met Cullen, without the teenage hormones raging at her. She was often compared to Duncan.

When they encountered Leliana in Lothering, her devotion to the maker reminded Sabrina of her family and she welcomed her with open arms. She also found her views to be more beautiful and came to believe them herself; she talked about some of what she had done at the tower to Leliana and how she found comfort in the Chantry when there. Leliana sympathised and helped her a great deal, trying to make her not punish herself forever; Leliana was seeking atonement as well.  
Another seeing atonement was Sten. Immediately, Sabrina recognised a strong hand that would be useful defending Fereldan and understood his want for atoning, she freed him and she enjoyed having odd conversations with him about the Qunari way. Truthfully, it made more sense than anything, but she was not Qunari.

With the weight of the blight on her shoulders, Sabrina handled it fairly well but came to recognise how Duncan must have felt when she met him what seemed like years ago in Irving's office. They went to the Circle first for help, as Sabrina was sure they'd be the first for support in the treaties they had for help during a blight to aid the Grey Wardens. Unfortunately the Circle had fallen to abominations and despite Alistair and Greagoirs' belief it was lost, she battled through the end in hope of saving not only her fellow mages, her previous home, the First Enchanter but Cullen.

Upon finding Cullen, he had gone almost mad from the torture of the demons told Sabrina he didn't care for her anymore, that what they had was a naïve boy's fleeting fanciful dream and he should have grown up, seen the danger mages possessed. He blamed himself for the fall of the Circle and hated all mages afterwards. They saved the Circle and the First Enchanter, who said Sabrina had done more than enough to earn his forgiveness and help in the blight. Wynne joined them then and Sabrina had known her well, she was grateful to have a wise mind behind her, so she knew if she was going wrong or right.

However, Sabrina was utterly heartbroken from Cullen's words, and went back to being closed off, even to Leliana. She was closer to being a tranquil than a mage. She wouldn't even look at Alistair because of how much he reminded her of Cullen. Until one night, on their way to Redcliffe, she tore off Cullen's amulet and threw it into Lake Cahlenhad, to be laid at the bottom for many years to come, replacing it with the one given to her at Ostagar. Alistair found her doing this and she cried into his chest, letting everything slip from her mask she held up so well.

Alistair understood her pain as he had not helped much in sharing the burden and vowed to do so from now on. The two talked more and eventually he trusted her to ask to see his sister in Denerim. She wasn't what he thought and afterwards he grew up a bit more. Whilst it was extremely hard for Sabrina, she found she was falling in love with Alistair and him with her. She knew this wouldn't last, for they could easily die from the Darkspawn and again it was almost forbidden, even Wynne disapproved. She seemed to have knack for that.

The rest of her encounters she did as fair as she could, she found land of the Dwarves hardest though, she was no genius with politics and her aiding Harrowmount in a dispute of who was to be King, caused the downfall of Orzammar once again. Oghren disgusted her and she barely spoke to him, but appreciated his coming along and did try very hard. In the end, Alistair became King and Sabrina had a great argument with him. She saw that the traitorous Loghain was a great warrior and by Riordan, another Grey Warden who appeared at last minute, she used the suggestion of attempting to make him a Grey Warden.

Alistair felt betrayed and was spiteful towards Sabrina, she expected this though and with another heartbroken self, she vowed to slay the Archdemon if Riordan failed. So she did, and in doing so, sacrificed herself, the Hero of Fereldan. Alistair felt terrible; he lost his love and at the last minute was cruel to her. He made it so the Circle was rebuilt a new… without the Templars deadly watch. In her sacrifice, she helped the world more than she ever could, atoned for what appeared a petty crime in comparison and was forever known as _the Hero of Fereldan._


End file.
